Meet the Crazy Crew...
They're Heavily Into Self Help

The Crazy Crew are all heavily into self help, self improvement and personal development. Some of them are even into spirituality.

Fat Fish
A kind soul, even if she is a bit naïve. But what she lacks in raw intelligence, she more than makes up for in honesty and curiosity. And beauty, of course. Some people have claimed that she obsesses about her body and her looks, and perhaps certain other things, too, but that is just plain slander.

She does admit to having problems in her relationships, though. And challenges with men and jealousy. And when she has had teensy bit too much to drink, she will sometimes admit to troubles with low self esteem.

Fat Fish grew up in a small aquarium in Florida, USA, and after a brief stint in certain European Benelux-countries (don't talk about that!) she spent almost an entire year in a big public aquarium in New York, USA. In learning to deal with squids, halibuts and lobsters she developed her keen interest in all things to do with self help, self improvement and personal development.

Unsurprisingly, she works in the news and entertainment business, specializing in the wide fields of self help, self improvement, personal development and spirituality.


Pink Punk Pony
Pink Punk Pony has a past as a personal favourite of girls all over the world. At some point she got totally fed up with all this sweetness and cuteness and being a nice girl. She decided to change herself, her life and her looks.

No more miss nice girl. Time for the dangerous pink psycho bitch to emerge!

So far, however, being a punker hasn't helped all that much, and the emergence of her inner psycho bitch isn't quite as successful as she would have hoped. So now she has a lingering fear that maybe, just maybe, she might still be kind of cute inside.

Her interest in personal development, self help and self improvement is strong, but her commitment to actually changing herself might be a bit on the weak side. After all, everything she has experienced until now suggests that someone else is supposed to come by to rescue her and take care of her.

The question 'Who am I?' occurs to her very often, and she has yet to find a suitable answer to it, so in truth, her identity remains a deep mystery to her. She will often do some personality quiz or other, but will never acknowledge that the results say anything relevant about her.

Pink Punk Pony has a long list of things in her life that she would like to be better. Or, at least just different. The top three on this list are: her sex life, her love life and all the rest of her life ... in that order.

She recently wanted to be more horny, so she grew a horn in the middle of her forehead. It made her look like a unicorn, but other than that it didn't help much.

Eloquent Elephant
Originally a resident of the African savannah, and also an orphan due to dastardly snipers, Eloquent Elephant was raised by religious missionaries and later brought to London, Great Britain, to finish his education. He later came to question the religious dogma the missionaries taught him, which led to his keen interest in personal development, self improvement,self help and spirituality.

Due to his childhood trauma Eloquent Elephant's physical growth has left something to be desired, quite a bit actually, but he has a mind and a memory like, well, an elephant. This is definitely an asset when it comes to learning and education, but perhaps more of a hindrance when it comes to personal development and particularly spirituality. "You THINK too much," Fat Fish will sometimes tell him ... and she may be right.

Eloquent Elephant is an experienced user of self help. He has issues with fear, worry, anxiety and sometimes panic attacks. Seeing your parents shot dead and de-tusked will sometimes do that to a person.

Zen Zombie Zebra
He may not look like much on the outside, but on the inside ... well, he still does not look like much.

As the name suggests, Zen Zombie Zebra considers himself both a proud Average-Joe-Work-Zombie AND a master of Eastern philosophy.

And in fact Zen Zombie Zebra IS a totally normal average everyday guy. Since he got promoted just past his level of incompetence he now works in lower middle management and thoroughly enjoys the small modicum of power this gives him.

He makes up for all of that, however, with a veneer of knowingness and beingness so heavy that one might actually be led to believe that he knows what he is talking about.

Also he obsesses a bit about the Enneagram, an ancient system for determining the personality type of a person's ego. In the case of the Enneagram he actually does know what he is talking about. Usually.

Next to nothing is known about Zen Zombie Zebra's past. He is most secretive about that.

Pickled Penguin
Well, what can be said about Pickled Penguin that will do her/him justice? Perhaps that he/she is a very complex person. A very, VERY complex person.

For example: How many people do you know, where nobody is sure of the gender? Sometimes Pickled Penguin will seem like a girl, and at other times like a boy. Sometimes like a Man (with a capital M), sometimes like a Woman (capital W) and sometimes he/she will just seem SO human. She/he is not, however, he/she is a penguin. And a pickled one, at that.

Another example: While it is obvious to everyone that Pickled Penguin has LOTS of problems and is often in a pickle, she/he will pick himself/herself right out of the pickle jar using any self help technique at hand ... only to dive straight into a bottle instead.

Yes, Pickled Penguin drinks too much. He/she has problems with addictions of various kinds, among these the use and abuse of several strange substances such as mushrooms, jellyfish, cacti and banana peels. Or is it strawberry flavoured vanilla fudge? Nobody really knows.

Since Pickled Penguin has such an enormous amount of personal problems she/he is a prime customer for any and all kinds of self help. Also, since he/she is obviously dysfunctional, she/he has a vested interest self improvement. Spirituality is not really his/her thing, though. It makes entirely too much sense, she/he says.

A conversation with Pickled Penguin will sometimes seem deceptively normal, and at other times it will seem ... well, different. Pickled Penguin just might be one of those rare individuals who inhabit a large number of space time continuums at once ... with those space time continuums being very dissimilar and not really compatible.

More Crazy Characters are Upcoming
These are only the first of the characters you are going to meet here on Smartass-Self-Help. More Crazy Crew characters are on their way! :-)